Brett&#039;s Two Cents

May 16, 2020

Hello everyone! Fr. Dave has been away on retreat this past week, which means all of us in the office have been sitting back, eating bonbons, and catching up on our TV talk shows and soap operas (Fr. Hans is partial to “The Young and the Restless”, after becoming disillusioned with the plot line on “Days of Our Lives”).

SO, in place of some actual REAL content, I give you the following deep thoughts, sent to me by one of our parish stalwarts:

I’m on two diets. I wasn’t getting enough food on one.

Apparently, RSVP’ing to a wedding invitation “Maybe next time” isn’t the correct response.

Don’t irritate old people. The older we get, the less “Life in prison” is a deterrent.

Aliens probably ride by earth and lock their doors.

“You will hit every cone on the highway before I let you merge in front of me because you saw that sign two miles ago like I did.” (Oooo! I SO agree with this one!)

I miss the 90’s when bread was still good for you and no one knew what kale was.

Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror, and think, “That can’t be accurate”?

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.

Me, sobbing my heart out: “ I can’t see you anymore! I’m not going to let you hurt me again.”

Trainer: “It was one sit-up. You did one sit-up.”

And here’s my favorite: I picked up a hitchhiker once. He asked if I was afraid he might be a serial killer. I told him the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were extremely unlikely.