Brett's Two Cents

Okay, okay — enough of these “educational” columns by Fr. Hans and Tristan. Time to give the people what they’re really hungry for — dumb deacon jokes! (Wait, I meant to say jokes that are dumb by a deacon. Or is it jokes by a dumb deacon? Now I’m confused. . .)
 
Here we go:

 

A cowboy walks out of a bar and a second later comes back in, mighty mad.
 
“Okay,” he growls, “now which one of you sidewindin’ hombres went outside an’ painted mah horse bright red while I was a-drinkin?”
 
Nobody answers, so the cowpoke draws his
six-shooter and yells, “I said, which one of you mangy polecats painted mah horse red?!”
 
Slowly one of the cowboys at the bar stands up.  He is 6’9” tall, and he pulls a small cannon from his holster.
 
“I done it,” he growls.
 
The first cowboy puts his gun back in the holster and says, “Just wanted to let you know the first coat’s dry.”

   

A mangy looking guy goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “No way. I don’t think you can pay for it.”
 
The guy says, “You’re right. I don’t have any money, but if I show you something you haven’t seen before, will you give me a drink?” The bartender replies, “Only if what you show me ain’t risqué.”

“Deal!” says the guy, and reaches into his pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar, and it runs to the end of the bar, down onto the floor, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the keyboard, and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good!
 
Pouring the man a drink, the bartender says, “You’re right. I’ve never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano.”
 
The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another. “Money or another miracle, else no drink,” he says.
 
The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch. A fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog. The guy says, “It’s a deal. He takes the $300 and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger runs out of the bar.
 
The bartender says to the guy, “Are you some kind of nut? You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions.”
 
“Not so,” says the guy. “The hamster is also a ventriloquist.”