Coffee (n.): The person upon whom one coughs.
Flabbergasted (adj.): Appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v.): To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade (v.): To attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly (adj.): Impotent.
Negligent (adj.): Describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
Lymph (v.): To walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.): Olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence (n.): The emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.): A rapidly receding hairline.
Testicle (n.): A humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude (n.): The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
Pokemon (n.): A Rastafarian proctologist.
Oyster (n.): A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
Circumvent (n.): An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Frisbeetarianism (n.) (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.